dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
