do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
