It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
