now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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