THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
