Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
