I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Randomize
