I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
