wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
