I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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