The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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