o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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