i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
