If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
