believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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