Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
