ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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