I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
