I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
