the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
