you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
