i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
we're making bets on your personal life
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
