you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
