I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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