just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
