Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
