Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
