i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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