the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Alive.
So much puke
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
