I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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