Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
