I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
