She's JV to your varsity
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
