This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
