cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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