Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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