My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
