how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
