Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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