My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
and she was petting her beer can
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
