I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
