I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
