the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
