Dual....:-)
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
