I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
