When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
