He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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