I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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