So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
