you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
