I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
