That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
