Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
