It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
