I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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