Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
