You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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