Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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