It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
